Perry White-ing It

The newspaper has a long and illustrious history in the United States. A lot of the Founding Fathers were involved in the newspaper business, as financiers and printers. Thomas Jefferson supported entire newspapers for the sole purpose of talking shit on Alexander Hamilton.

Newspapers appeared on the scene in 1605. For reference, Andy Rooney started doing those monologues on 60 minutes in 1453. His first one was about the fall of Constantinople, I think.

Since 1605, newspapers have changed a lot and now there are basically two kinds of papers. The middle fold is the separating line.

There are a lot of reasons the two types of newspapers are different but the most important one is the headlines. If you're working at a newspaper right now and you're unsure what kind, imagine you're working at your newspaper in 1998, and the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal has just broken. Your news editor asks you to write a headline for the next day.

Ok, now you go and write a list of headlines. Do you produce this one:

1-President Embroiled In Affair over Sexual Liasions

2-President and Staffer Acted Inappropriately Towards Each Other

3-Corn Prices Rise as Tech Stocks Soar


Or this One:

1-President Abuses Power, Slaps That Ass

2-She Wore a Raspberry Beret

3-Bill Plants Seeds of Change...In Intern's Mouth

4-Bill Jefferson Clinton: B.J., the President

5-American (Wet) Dream

6-Foreignication Policy? Clinton Gets an A

7-Clinton: Vote With Your Mouth, America!

8-Hold On Sadaam; I'm Getting Blown

9-Paris Hilton Sluts It Up Starting In A Few Years

If you wrote the first list, you work at the New York Times.

If you wrote the second list, you work at the New York Post or maybe Hustler.