A real bad case of Scrabs.

After years of flirting and the occasional half-hearted hook-up, I am finally fucking the shit out of this game.

Our relationship began when I was a kid and forced to play with various older and smarter family members, and then went on through college, when I'd play with my genius--seriously, he really is a genius--friend Miles, who scored over 300 ever fucking time.

The hot and heavy stuff started only this last week, after I started a Facebook account for the sole purpose of playing Scrabulous, Facebook's online version of Scrabble.

First of all, I started this account with much kicking and screaming. "I already have MySpace," I told a friend, the one who was pushing for me to join Facebook just to play him in this game. "Fuck no," I said.

But then...I joined.

And I looked up like 9 million old friends that aren't on MySpace and creepily checked out all their current photos and profile information and all that sort of stalkerish stuff the internet so awesomely allows.

Only 15 of those 9 million are now my actual Facebook friends. But moving on.

The point is Scrabulous. You can play like 10 games at once. You can get online at the same time as your opponent and just fucking go, or you can take your sweet time and sign on whenever you want. You can use the internet to look up 2-letter words nobody really knows the meaning of.

It's fabulous. Ha! It is so fantabulous (HA!!!) it prompts me to make stupid fucking jokes that only I laugh at! It is so scrabtastical that I am not only posting this blog right this very minute, but also clicking over to a different window just to see if any of my opponents have made a move yet! On a Friday night! All alone.

But this is what this game is good for. People who take shame in their weekend night reclusiveness and seek distraction from it. People who have a lot of work to do but don't want to do any of it. Also, there is a built-in instant messager thing that allows you to put down your opponent as often as you like and without the fear of bodily harm that real-life Scrabble-dissing might warrant. I prefer the old, "I'll kill you," or, if they're going too slow, "Zzzzzz."

I'm all in a tizzy, just typing about it! I'm going to go click "refresh" once or twice or maybe more.